B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM: THE WORST SONG LYRICS EVER, YO.
I couldn’t help it. I really couldn’t. What with all these half-arsed songs on the radio nowadays, I decided to compile five of my favourite, all-time best song lyrics ever. Reading these just brings a tears to me eyes (be it of disgust or laughter) because, you know, Wordsworth wrote bulldoody. In no particular order:
1) Avril Lavigne, Sk8r Boi
I actually think this song is quite catchy, and yes, I sing it behind closed doors! But. As if that title weren’t spelt badly enough (because it’s just cool to spell boy as “boi” and cow as “kaaoow” and dog as “dawhuhg” and it’s actually going get you somewhere in life, like maybe the Nobel Prize for literature, for the first person ever to intelligibly incorporate numbers into a sentence. How much more l33tness can u hope 4? Oh wait, where was I?) she goes on to give everybody a lesson in sexing people. “He was a boy, she was a girl/ Can I make it anymore obvious?”. Wow. I’m really going to need some help here. Uh… no, Avril, why don’t you go on to tell us about just how different they were, puberty problems and all, in case we needed that extra little boost to help us figure it out?
No wait. Wait a minute. Maybe it’s not that obvious after all. What if he wasn’t a boy –uh… boi? And she wasn’t a girl? Oh my god. That would make them transvestites, wouldn’t it. And if he WAS a boi, and she WAS a girl, then they couldn’t have been transvestites, could they? So I get it now! Totally! Thanks Avril!
2) Meatloaf, I would do anything for love
And I quote, “I would do anything for love/ I would do anything for love/ I would do anything for love/ But I won’t do that, no I won’t do that.” For God’s sake, will someone please, please, please, tell me what that is before my head explodes from the anticipation of it all? Or better still, tell me why in hell he won’t do it?
It could be a million things, but right now, I’m gunning for three plausible options:
1) Adopting a baby with Angelina Jolie
2) Getting matching plastic surgery with Michael Jackson
3) Singing this horrid song to his significant other
Erm…okay you know what? Those three choices are pretty horrible right there. Maybe I really don’t want to know after all. Yeah. Scratch that.
Ignorance really is bliss.
3) Rent, Light My Candle
You know, the thing is I actually like this musical. A lot. Maybe I could even love it because I can completely relate to the themes, the sadness, the storyline. I think this to myself everytime I’m breezing through the soundtrack. And then I get to this song. And Adam Pascal tells sings to Rosario Dawson in dismay,“Oh the wax” to which she replies with the ingenious and inspired, “It’s dripping,” with nary a note out of tune. The first time I heard that in the theatre, I stared at my cousins who stared back, as deep in disbelief as if one of them was renouncing Islam and running off to Spain to marry a flamenco dancing prostitute with a baby on the way. The subsequent times, I just winced and ignored it as a passing flaw.
But you know, what really gets me is when Adam Pascal tells Rosario that she reminds him of someone and Rosario asks who. He sings, (without a hint of sadness in his voice), “She died, her name was April”.
Classy.
4) Groove Armada, I See you Baby
Just in case we need people to tell us what we’re doing, Groove Armada steps up to the plate with this light-hearted number. I just couldn’t help it, I had to quote from the webpage, verbatim:
“Alright im chekin all ya this evening
a see ya sittin around
But were gonna have no of that this evening child
Thats right dont be lookin at me like that
See my names granma funky yal
Funky if ure nasty darlin
And uve got 2 stay nasty”
You know, this guy would be *perfect* for Avril Lavigne. I’m beginning to see certain creepy coincidences in the spelling. And just in case we haven’t got the idea, the chorus comes prancing in to trump everything with, “I see ya baby/ Shakin’ that ass/ Shakin’ that ass/ Shakin’ that ass/ I see ya baby/ Shakin’ that ass.”
Really. It’s worth chekin out.
5) Yin Yang Twins, Wait
This song is absolutely the best. I mean, I can completely understand why it was such a huge hit in the States. Just wait till you get a taste of the amazingly thoughtful, well crafted lyrics… and oh-so-subtle undertones. What, right now? Okay!
“Wait till you see my dick, bitch,
Wait till you see my dick,
I’mma beat that pussy up,
Ay bitch! Wait till you see my dick.”
Like B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM,
B-AM,B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM,
B-AM, B-AM,B-AM, B-AM,
B-AM, B-AM, B-AM
Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up,
Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up,
Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up.”
Well, of course, because nothing says “I love you” more than your mysogynistic boyfriend whispering into your ear about how he’s going to bruise your pussy black and blue with his "lovemeat".
Prepare to be romanced, girls.
God, that was almost too easy.
1) Avril Lavigne, Sk8r Boi
I actually think this song is quite catchy, and yes, I sing it behind closed doors! But. As if that title weren’t spelt badly enough (because it’s just cool to spell boy as “boi” and cow as “kaaoow” and dog as “dawhuhg” and it’s actually going get you somewhere in life, like maybe the Nobel Prize for literature, for the first person ever to intelligibly incorporate numbers into a sentence. How much more l33tness can u hope 4? Oh wait, where was I?) she goes on to give everybody a lesson in sexing people. “He was a boy, she was a girl/ Can I make it anymore obvious?”. Wow. I’m really going to need some help here. Uh… no, Avril, why don’t you go on to tell us about just how different they were, puberty problems and all, in case we needed that extra little boost to help us figure it out?
No wait. Wait a minute. Maybe it’s not that obvious after all. What if he wasn’t a boy –uh… boi? And she wasn’t a girl? Oh my god. That would make them transvestites, wouldn’t it. And if he WAS a boi, and she WAS a girl, then they couldn’t have been transvestites, could they? So I get it now! Totally! Thanks Avril!
2) Meatloaf, I would do anything for love
And I quote, “I would do anything for love/ I would do anything for love/ I would do anything for love/ But I won’t do that, no I won’t do that.” For God’s sake, will someone please, please, please, tell me what that is before my head explodes from the anticipation of it all? Or better still, tell me why in hell he won’t do it?
It could be a million things, but right now, I’m gunning for three plausible options:
1) Adopting a baby with Angelina Jolie
2) Getting matching plastic surgery with Michael Jackson
3) Singing this horrid song to his significant other
Erm…okay you know what? Those three choices are pretty horrible right there. Maybe I really don’t want to know after all. Yeah. Scratch that.
Ignorance really is bliss.
3) Rent, Light My Candle
You know, the thing is I actually like this musical. A lot. Maybe I could even love it because I can completely relate to the themes, the sadness, the storyline. I think this to myself everytime I’m breezing through the soundtrack. And then I get to this song. And Adam Pascal tells sings to Rosario Dawson in dismay,“Oh the wax” to which she replies with the ingenious and inspired, “It’s dripping,” with nary a note out of tune. The first time I heard that in the theatre, I stared at my cousins who stared back, as deep in disbelief as if one of them was renouncing Islam and running off to Spain to marry a flamenco dancing prostitute with a baby on the way. The subsequent times, I just winced and ignored it as a passing flaw.
But you know, what really gets me is when Adam Pascal tells Rosario that she reminds him of someone and Rosario asks who. He sings, (without a hint of sadness in his voice), “She died, her name was April”.
Classy.
4) Groove Armada, I See you Baby
Just in case we need people to tell us what we’re doing, Groove Armada steps up to the plate with this light-hearted number. I just couldn’t help it, I had to quote from the webpage, verbatim:
“Alright im chekin all ya this evening
a see ya sittin around
But were gonna have no of that this evening child
Thats right dont be lookin at me like that
See my names granma funky yal
Funky if ure nasty darlin
And uve got 2 stay nasty”
You know, this guy would be *perfect* for Avril Lavigne. I’m beginning to see certain creepy coincidences in the spelling. And just in case we haven’t got the idea, the chorus comes prancing in to trump everything with, “I see ya baby/ Shakin’ that ass/ Shakin’ that ass/ Shakin’ that ass/ I see ya baby/ Shakin’ that ass.”
Really. It’s worth chekin out.
5) Yin Yang Twins, Wait
This song is absolutely the best. I mean, I can completely understand why it was such a huge hit in the States. Just wait till you get a taste of the amazingly thoughtful, well crafted lyrics… and oh-so-subtle undertones. What, right now? Okay!
“Wait till you see my dick, bitch,
Wait till you see my dick,
I’mma beat that pussy up,
Ay bitch! Wait till you see my dick.”
Like B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM,
B-AM,B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM,
B-AM, B-AM,B-AM, B-AM,
B-AM, B-AM, B-AM
Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up,
Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up,
Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up.”
Well, of course, because nothing says “I love you” more than your mysogynistic boyfriend whispering into your ear about how he’s going to bruise your pussy black and blue with his "lovemeat".
Prepare to be romanced, girls.
God, that was almost too easy.
She said, she said at 1:17 am
4 Comments:
It suddenly occured to me that your pseudonym reminds me of this...
"Que Sera Sera.. tralalalala"
Eh? Why?
Hey! i love song lyrics too! i wrote an entry about breaking up in terms of song lyrics, haha.
Sure, link me up babe! =)
Ooh you did? Where is it? Okay! I'm linking you!
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