Kate
Break-ups are ugly animals.
Despite fairytales I hear of exes who manage to remain the best of friends, I’ve always believed this to be true and last week I was witness to the aftermath of three unsavoury break-ups which more or less confirmed this for me. It’s funny how leaving a person is always so much more unpleasant than getting together with them considering that both events seem to be equal-and-opposite reactions.
Calling it quits means that the other becomes, at best, a distant figure where before they were close, special, different to you. At worst, it means a nasty, malicious aftertaste complete with taunts, threats and the burden of unfinished business.
From the sweet naivete of being “more than friends” we suddenly know, without being told that we have to avoid our mutual accquaintances, block said party from our messenger lists and find a Switzerland, or neutral ground where we can leave the items that once belonged to the partnership.
Then there are the phone calls, the neverending messages, the strained, tearful meetings begging for a reconciliation, another chance at making it work.
There are threats of being stalked, of being hated, of having one’s reputation smeared beyond all hope of redemption.
Worst of all, there is the possibility of one partner being so damaged from a messy break that they may never recover as the same person, ever again. A friend of mine wants to leave an unhappy relationship but is holding back for this precise reason. Another friend is so afraid of an ex that they can no longer meet in private places and when they do, nervous fights often ensue.
I remember the innocent days with these very friends, crushes on people we barely knew, squealing over the momentous occasion of holding a hand and I think: how did it ever get so complicated?
I guess it’s like just really like that old song.
Breaking up is hard to do.
Neil Sedaka knew it, and now I know it too.
“Here's an evening dark with shame
Throw it on the fire
Here's the time I took the blame
Throw it on the fire
Here's the view we didn't speak
It seemed for years and years
Here's a secret
No one will ever know the reasons for the tears
They are smoke…”
- Ben Folds Five
Despite fairytales I hear of exes who manage to remain the best of friends, I’ve always believed this to be true and last week I was witness to the aftermath of three unsavoury break-ups which more or less confirmed this for me. It’s funny how leaving a person is always so much more unpleasant than getting together with them considering that both events seem to be equal-and-opposite reactions.
Calling it quits means that the other becomes, at best, a distant figure where before they were close, special, different to you. At worst, it means a nasty, malicious aftertaste complete with taunts, threats and the burden of unfinished business.
From the sweet naivete of being “more than friends” we suddenly know, without being told that we have to avoid our mutual accquaintances, block said party from our messenger lists and find a Switzerland, or neutral ground where we can leave the items that once belonged to the partnership.
Then there are the phone calls, the neverending messages, the strained, tearful meetings begging for a reconciliation, another chance at making it work.
There are threats of being stalked, of being hated, of having one’s reputation smeared beyond all hope of redemption.
Worst of all, there is the possibility of one partner being so damaged from a messy break that they may never recover as the same person, ever again. A friend of mine wants to leave an unhappy relationship but is holding back for this precise reason. Another friend is so afraid of an ex that they can no longer meet in private places and when they do, nervous fights often ensue.
I remember the innocent days with these very friends, crushes on people we barely knew, squealing over the momentous occasion of holding a hand and I think: how did it ever get so complicated?
I guess it’s like just really like that old song.
Breaking up is hard to do.
Neil Sedaka knew it, and now I know it too.
“Here's an evening dark with shame
Throw it on the fire
Here's the time I took the blame
Throw it on the fire
Here's the view we didn't speak
It seemed for years and years
Here's a secret
No one will ever know the reasons for the tears
They are smoke…”
- Ben Folds Five
She said, she said at 10:45 pm
2 Comments:
Yes.. it's one of the hardest obstacles we'll face.. if you're lucky.. you'll become "friends" eventually. But even so, it's a constant reminder of what happened or could have been..
Or how much you don't want to associate with the person now if they turn nasty. I agree with you dude... it's an obstacle all right. And despite all of that, it's usually inevitable anyway!
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