Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Knocking on Heaven's Door

Waking up in the middle of the night to feel my throat glands swollen and sore, the word fuck crossed my mind, followed by the inevitable thought: "H1N1". So this is what swine flu feels like.

I'm all feverish and the space behind my eyeballs feels like it's boiling, plus I'm wandering around work like a vampire in a long black coat with the collar turned up. (But really, what vampire would wear polyester? And armpit netting? Are you kidding me?)

Still, I rolled out of bed to fulfill my place as second family breadwinner this morning because that is just how hardworking I am. (And because if my parents catch whiff of the fact that I am sick at all, they may not allow me across the causeway near this weekend)

Anyway, after lolling around in my wheelie chair and muttering heatedly to myself all morning, I finally did the unthinkable and headed out with the girls for some ice-cream. With extra nuts on top, if you please.

It's bad enough that I feel the attack of a killer cold coming on, now I have to moderate my diet? Bitch, no.

And so, I scarfed down two scoops of chocolate and coffee full-fat balls of goodness along with whipped cream and assorted toppings, and I did it with glee. Sure, I'm going to feel like shit tomorrow morning, but right now, this is a big, fat finger in the face of Spanish Influenza because I may be a lover but I ain't no dancer. I may also be slightly delirious.

Take that, you chancho mejicano!

PS I'm only kidding. I am sick, but I don't have swine flu. I think. If I had swine flu I would not be swanning round work, licking spoons in a public ice-cream parlour and passing my nasty germs to everyone. I would go straight to Tom Cruise's house, hug it out, and let him demonstrate the wonders of Scientology.


Anonymous Paws said...

"hug it out, and let him demonstrate the wonders of Scientology"

ROTFL! You think it'd work on other religions too?

3:21 pm  
Blogger Girl said...

Well, we will never know... unless we TRY!!


4:24 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home