Sunday, July 05, 2009

The Hardest Part

"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."

It started with a Beatles quote and I suppose it's going to end with one too. I hope this one is true.

I decided to end this blog some time ago. It wasn't working out for us, I guess. It hasn't fulfilled the purpose for which it was originally started and what began as the holy dark now just feels like a big, dark space.

A lot of my life is a big dark space right now. Writing about it used to help me, but the voids here don't seem to be filled by anything. The people I want to write to don't read me anymore, or they never did anyway.

It's been a good three years or so. Nevermind that I felt guilty and narcissistic about it most of the time. I enjoyed some of it, hated some of it, and some of it still makes me cringe. It hurts to say goodbye, because at the end of it, the words are my children, they are me.

But I'm ending it here, not because I've found my purpose or am moving on to greener pastures. I'm ending it out of desperation because I don't know where to go or what to do and all that faces me everywhere I turn is an insurmountable grey wall.

I just need to know there is something more for me than this.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The world suffers the loss of a poet with the ending of this post. I do hope that you find yourself, and what you need.

When I compare
What I have lost with what I have gained,
What I have missed with what attained,
Little room do I find for pride.
I am aware
How many days have been idly spent;
How like an arrow the good intent
Has fallen short or been turned aside.
But who shall dare
To measure loss and gain in this wise?
Defeat may be victory in disguise;
The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide.

"The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide", I sincerely hope this is so for you. Au revoir et bonne chance.

10:31 am  
Anonymous Smelly The Great said...

Hey Babe,

Aww..U don't sound too good. Do call me. We'll talk things thru if yu wanna. Remember, call anytime, anyday, from anywhere. I don't care if you're crapping in the toilet.

1:32 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

40 years ago, 1130am:
"Something in the way she moves me, Attracts me like no other"

11:30 am  
Anonymous オテモヤン said...


10:16 am  

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