Sunday, April 30, 2006

And So It Is

“Atheism, in its broadest sense, is an absence of belief in the existence of gods. This definition includes both those who assert that there are no gods, and those who make no claim about whether gods exist or not.”

“Agnosticism is the philosophicl
view that the truth values of certain claims—particularly theological claims regarding the existence of God, gods
, or deities—are unknown, inherently unknowable, or incoherent, and therefore, (some agnostics may go as far to say) irrelevant to life.” --Wikipedia

We learn in psychology that categories and schemas help people to recognise and understand the world around them more conveniently, that it saves them the trouble of having to think too much and use cognitive resources easily.

And in truth, we have named everything in this world. We name people by their religion, Christians, Muslims, Hindus. We name people even when they do not claim to have a religion, atheist, agnostic. What happens to the people who fall through the cracks then? The people who like standing between the lines and blurring the boundaries? How is it possible to define them for the sake of convenience and put them into a random clade of humanity?

I once said that I didn’t like feminism because whether its supporters and theorists like it or not, it immediately defines them as female. And in defining something so clearly, in putting it in a box, something is always left out. One cannot live a completely human, fulfilled life as a “woman” alone. Or as an “athiest” or as an “Indian”. It detracts so much from the complexity and confusion of real humanity.

How is it possible, for example, to define one as a solipsist and yet realise that they are concerned about the feelings, experiences and thoughts of people, even as they believe that they must not exist? How can we say that someone is just a “woman” or a “man” when we cannot fully understand the ways in which they act, some of which defy the unspoken rules of that gender?

Naming is just a way to keep things boxed in, to prevent the grey edges and gaping holes that humans so abhor. But in being named, some freedom is lost. When Adam named all the animals once they were created in the Bible, they became creatures with a referent, with a maker and an origin. They became fixed.

Even God has been named and in doing so, people have made Him a referent of themselves. What then is so wrong in choosing not to name or define God? Why do people who have named God condemn those who haven’t simply because they choose not to make Him, Her, It or They something solid and fixed?

I don’t believe there is anything wrong with religion at all. In fact, I believe that people who have religions are the truly lucky ones for they have realised the purpose in their lives. I don’t however, understand how people can classify those who see God as a blurred line or something that is not boxed in into a stipulated definition as without redemption or simply atheist, cynical and without any wonder or awe at all. Don’t they deserve some kind of understanding too? One that does not have to belong to some kind of name or category?

And more than just speaking in abstracts, this phobia of being pinned down and forced into a classification becomes personal too. People ask me about things like my sexuality and I am hard pressed to answer. To say “I don’t know” is something cowardly, something that is treated with derision and disgust because they assume that I am too yellow-bellied to have come to terms with it. Because I must be in denial.

I wonder, sometimes, if they are not the ones in denial because they cannot understand and must turn to a world of definitions and fixed answers to hold onto because the ground will tilt if they don’t.

I’m not saying I don’t fall prey to definitions all the time. I do. I stereotype, posit explanations for things I cannot understand and form definite opinions with the best of them.

But now and then, I’m treated to a glimpse of a frightening, uncontrollable world without borders, without definition where people can behave anyway they like without being classified as insane or hedonist, where people who cannot always explain themselves away are accepted.

Where I can flow like liquid glass, filling infinite corners.

I know that the world with categories and concepts is always the safe world, the right world in some sense because without them, we would surely go mad. Nothing we did would make sense without constants. To try to live without them would be like holding your breath –sooner or later you have to come spinning back down into breathable air.

Sometimes though, I would like to be a little more than my definitions. A little more than a girl, a little more than a student, a little more than just me. Because I’ve realised that when you clear your mind of all the definitions and boundaries and stop naming the things you do and the ways you feel, it’s like standing on the edge of the Universe and looking down into its bottomless, star-filled pits. It’s like transcending all time and all light, all music and all space.

Most of all, it’s a feeling words cannot explain because the poor, sparse words we create can only try to define things all over again. I suppose as best as I can put it, it’s like being immortal.

If only for a little while.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

we are all cognitive misers shu, otherwise the world is too much for us. just like the coward who blames fate rather than his own, like so many of us, like me, do
-jamie

2:07 am  
Blogger Girl said...

I completely agree... it's so much more simple and so much less frightening that way.

I think in this world of uncertainty, it's the least you can do to keep yourself level. And I don't think you're a coward at all. You're only human, just as all of us are, and there is a certain beauty in that.

2:33 am  
Blogger e.x.o.d.u.s said...

like you say, definitions are created to prevent grey areas. It's like one tends to want to define themselves by defining others but in the end, all the categories and definitions that they come up with is never going to be enough to define themselves. It merely gives us a glimpse of ourselves through other people.

Sometimes it difficult to say i'm this and that. Like when I say i'm a Christian, but i'm also nowhere the same as my mentors and leaders. So its like the definition or category is just a convienent way for us to identify ourselves, not necessarily something accurate.

don't doubt yourself. we don't always have to fit ourselves into that narrow framework laid out for us. =)

cheers!

8:52 am  
Blogger Girl said...

Thanks girl! It's good to know that there are people who don't care that much if their friends don't necessarily follow convention... You might one of the special few though :)

8:22 pm  

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