Thursday, September 07, 2006

The Light of a Dark Black Night

You don’t have to have lived for long to figure out that the old saying about friends staying in your heart isn’t true.

Sometimes even the best of friends go because like the tide, time and people ebb and flow. Friendship is not something you can predict or decide. I cannot hold on to someone who doesn’t want to hold on to me. I am not unduly distraught, but I feel a little sad and resigned.

It it not an easy or likeable thought that there are those who have decided to keep their distance. How strange it is that you can spend hours discussing the most mundane things with someone and that they can then turn around and decide never to see you again, that the memory of your time together is little more than an annoying blot, papered over.


How did we go from touching hearts to becoming blank walls?


Yes, there are those that have left and there are relationships that I know I will never salvage for in my mind I have long given them up as lost causes. But I sincerely hope this will never happen with anyone else that I know right now… for this friendship to become a myth that once might have been but that no one else can remember well enough to verify.


I love my friends and I won’t let them fade. I don’t want to look back for the millionth time and think “things will never be the same again”.


And on the one I love most of all, I cannot turn my back.

I don’t know how to stop the erosion of time, the staunch but gradual pull apart of photos from walls and hand from hand, that shameful creep of letters from wallets and artefacts into dark, tucked away corners.

It would be hard to be this happy all the time.

But to be this close, this near, this deeply enmeshed and embedded is something I have a little bit of control over.

So I won’t wait to tell her I love her. I will be the first to say sorry after a tiff. I will offer to care for her and stand by her for as long as we both shall live.

And I will love her, like I loved her the first day I fell for her, like I loved her when I could not have her, like I love her when he is with me. I will love her with a kind of love that doesn’t give up.

And from start to finish, I will be her friend.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey!

Nicely written.
I envy this girl you've described..

Sorry I've disappeared for a while.

I'll be back soon I promise...

Love always
Me

2:08 pm  

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